host: This season is so wet...
sidekick: how wet is it?
host: It's so wet the cordons are growing roots! (queue laugh-track)
host: It's so wet everything is growing like vines! (queue laugh-track again)
host: Lot 11 looks like someone dropped a hundred pounds of fertilizer on it! (queue raucous laugh-track)
host: The mildew has a rain jacket! (more laugh-track)
host: The ground hogs wear swim goggles!
host: Seriously, though. Tomorrow, I'll be spraying the vineyard from a canoe! (and the laugh-track)
sidekick: don't forget the life jacket!
host: [quizical look at sidekick] I...[another quizical look]...I was walking through the rows today when a group of lateral shoots surrounded me. I thought they wanted my money, but it turned out they wanted to pay me to prune out a group of competing laterals. (queue raspberry-track)
sidekick: how much?
host: A vineyard manager from California stopped by the other day and said "dude, you forgot to turn off the water." (applause)
sidekick: and the fertilizer!
host: [to sidekick] careful where you step. (laughter)
sidekick: uh-oh. I need some boots. (less laughter) That's a wet season!
host: It'll take a heroic effort to produce a quality crop this year.
sidekick: you can do it.
host: [dissenting look at sidekick] Thanks for the vote of confidence. So you'll help?
sidekick: I don't drink wine. (queue laugh-track)
host: Oh, you just have a bottle collection in your dressing room, I suppose.
sidekick: I don't drink wine in rainy weather.
queue the band.
host: we'll be right back folks!